That stubborn smile
by Joshiro.ukitake
Summary: The future is untold, so take it with a smile, until the end Frendship/brothers this story now has a sequel "whats' a second chance"
1. Chapter 1

This is my very first published and finished fan fiction, please treat me gently as I'm starting out, but anyway, feel free to review and I will listen to all, if you spot some mistakes, let me know and I'll fix them up, thank you for your time

And I do love Captain Ukitake, I really do

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**Shunsui:**

I woke with a start, in cold sweats, I felt sick, my stomach filled with cold dread, I couldn't remember what I'd just dreamt, and I had a headache, but that was most likely alcohol influenced just then Nanao barged into my quarters in the usual way, her book under her arm and an angry expression on her face until she saw I was awake which immediately turned to surprise, worry almost.

'GET YOUR LA... Captain?... '

This was her daily wake up call, it was normal, which means nothing seemed to be wrong, but I still count shake the cold chills inside of me, I put the feelings aside best I can putting on my usual cheerful facade.

'Nanao-chan' I said in a lovey voice.

She still seemed off put but she snapped back 'you have a captains meeting in an hour, I'd suggest you freshen up, you smell like a bar'

It was familiar, that was what she told me every morning I had one, it gave me little comfort, the feeling still spinning around my being.

'Yada yada, I'm getting there young one' I replied in my usual manner, my charming smile just earning a look of disbelief.

'better do it before Captain Ukitake gets here, you better not make him late again' she said with a threat, then shortly left, also a normal reply.

I sat up in bed and rubbed my face, not being able to understand why I felt this way, this dread, everything was normal, hell I had a hangover, what's more normal then that, nothing indicated there was anything wrong, again I tried to put it behind me, having a shower because I truly did smell like a bar.

**Ukitake:**

I woke to the sun gently stretching over my bed, as if it were slowly warming me up, waking me with a gentle nudge, for the record, I felt great, but perhaps I needed more sleep, I still felt tired, I shrugged it off, getting up and changing into my uniform.

Then Kiyone and Senataro made their usual noisy entrance, arguing over who would make me tea and do my paperwork for me until I told them, after realising myself, I'm late for the meeting, I still had to go by Shunsui's office to make sure he was coming at all.

This was a strange occasion in itself, Captain Ukitake made a point to be early to whatever he was doing and it had always been that way unless he was tied in bed and ill, which was fairly frequent, Jushiro thought nothing of it and left Ugendo as he would any other morning to visit his best friend, and get his drunken ass up.


	2. Chapter 2

Shunsui:

My usual routine as it was was to wake up, shower and usually Jushiro would be there waiting for me when I get out, usually with tea in his hand and that famous smile of his on his face saying that he was fine.

It seemed nothing could get the smile off his face, when he was ill, he always managed a smile, no matter what pain he was thrown into, no matter how close he got to where he shouldn't be, I loved that about him but also hated it, this morning though, I needed to see that smile.

When I came out of my shower, I greeted him without looking in my usual cheerful manner, my tell tail trouble grin 'morning Juu-Chan'

My face was covered with a towel, but upon hearing silence, I noticed this morning he wasn't here, was he late, or couldn't he make it this morning, I started to worry because looking at the time, we were going to be late, this is most unusual for Jushiro and it set him on edge, so he waited.

Ukitake:

I arrived at his barracks with 10minutes until the meeting, he only hoped that Shunsui would be somewhat awake by this time so we could go and not be too late, I was rushing.

I happened to catch Lt Ise as she passed and she was surprised that I of all people were late, she told me Shunsui should be ready to go by now and if he wasn't, she'd kick his sorry ass ready which made me laugh, she seemed slightly different this morning though, I really didn't have the time to find out why though so I bid her good day and continued to Shunsui's quarters on which I knocked on his door, he opened the door himself.

'ahhh, Juu Chan, this is quite unusual' he greeted me with that same grin he had every morning, that playful tone that was ready to make the day as interesting as it needed to be.

'yeah, sorry i'm late, I slept in' I answered with a smile, I couldn't help but smile.

'you alright Juu-Chan?'

'of course, I feel great great'

Looking at Shunsui, he looked like he hadn't had enough sleep, though that was probably a reasonable thought, he probably had a hangover because there's barely a night that goes by without him drinking at least one glass of sake in the least, Shunsui just looked more dishevelled then usual, I couldn't explain it.

'is was about to come get you myself you know, I thought you might have been unable to come' he grinned.

Rolling my eyes 'is that so, well we had both better get going or we are going to be roasted by Yama-Jii' I made a face saying I didn't like this thought very much.

'I hear ya there, let's go' he answered, making a similar face, patting him on the back and starting to walk.

It was a normal morning by all means, nothing would say otherwise apart from Jushiro's uncharacterised lateness and Shunsui's cold awakening.


	3. Chapter 3

Shunsui:

I was somewhat calmed when Jushiro finally knocked on my door, and relieved to see that trademark smile on his face, i had waited at least 10minutes for him to come, keeping my faith that he would, he always sent me a hell butterfly if he couldn't make it, so I knew he would come eventually.

Jushiro looked tired, like he hadn't had enough sleep, maybe he hadn't, but I asked him anyway if he was alright, I usually did if I had any doubts, i know Jushiro barely ever slept in, he was usually up at some crazy hour of the morning drinking tea by the time I would even dream of waking up, he had always been like that, so I guess it concerned me that he did something I would usually do, I put it behind me though, Jushiro was just as much himself as he was any other morning.

We were in fact 10mins late to the meeting and as we walked into the meeting, we got the usual reactions, people rolled eyes, pffts, but Yama-Jii shut them up by banging his staff on the ground loudly.

'SHUNSUI, WHATS THE MEANING OF THIS'

I sighed and smiled, it always got blamed on me but I guess I didn't mind, it spiced up the day, I answered 'sorry yam-'

'I slept in, forgive me sir' Jushiro jumped in before I could finish, bowing his head respectfully, I looked at him saying you didn't need to do that.

Yama-Jii seemed surprised but let them off 'alright' though he didn't seem completely convinced, I'm not surprised by that.

Jushiro and I took our respective positions and gave each other one of our playful smiles, we were going to laugh about this later, Yama-Jii quickly bought us back to reality though, we were in a meeting.

Ukitake:

I could tell no one believed me when I said it was my fault today, but at least I told the truth, it seemed I was too innocent for the crime of being late given my excellent past of being on time, oh well, I found it funny.

After the meeting had finished, we got a talk to by Yama-Jii, like usual when we were late, but it wasn't too harsh and soon enough it was over, Shunsui and I were left walking to Ugendo, indeed laughing about the morning that passed.

'I know they didn't believe me' I said with a chuckle.

'that's because you wouldn't be late if your life depended on it' he replied with a laugh 'I still got most of the blame'

'sorry about that by the way, it won't happen again I hope' I smiled.

'ahhh Juu-Chan, don't worry about it, it's not like I'm not used to it' he patted my back reassuringly.

I was still feeling incredibly tired by this point, it seemed to have gotten worse through the day, I figured it must have been my illness warning me, it had never really done this before, usually it was more painful a warning, but I guess I appreciated this way, we took it easy on our way home anyway, we usually did.

These kinds of days we would skip work for the day and walk, there was no rush to do anything in particular, Shunsui would have a drink, I would have a tea, and we would talk hours into the afternoon and occasionally nights.

This morning I had asked for my paperwork be brought home for me to do, I'd fallen behind again, not that I'd really ever fall behind, usually I just have to sign some documents because most of it was done for me, but I still liked to keep up, shunsui called me a workaholic for it, I called him a slacker in return, I knew that he probably had a deskful of paperwork to do, but it was always a joke, it was never anything more then a joke, we had ascertained that long ago.

Upon reaching home, we pour ourselves a drink, it was one of the rare occasions that I actually had a cup of sake with shunsui, he whined as I sat and went through my paperwork while talking.

'juuuuu-Chan, you shouldn't work so hard' he nudges me.

'im not working hard, this is hardly taking my breath away' I reply with a playful smile.

He just looked at me exasperated 'you shouldn't be working at home, your crazy'

I Shrug and sip my sake 'so what if I am' I continue doing my paperwork, like I expected, I didn't have much to do, I finished my paperwork completely in 20minutes.

'Juuuu-Chan' purposely whining 'forget about that and drink with me'

I sigh, but can't help a chuckle 'I'm done, I told you it wouldn't take long, plus I never stopped drinking you know' lifting my half empty glass of sake with a smile.

He just laughed at me, I joined in and I left my paperwork neatly sorted on my table where they would stay, my perfectly written signatures on the bottom of all the pages, I was getting tired and I'd decided after a while I would go to bed, I was expecting to be ill tomorrow but I didn't tell shunsui that, maybe I should've, not that it would have changed things.

I ended up staying up with him for the rest of the night, I escorted him home, he was too drunk to see straight, which was funny, but he would end up waking up in a random street lost in the morning if I didn't take him home.

'Juuu-Chan, I love you' slurring his words, he was leaning on me for support.

I just laughed, he wouldn't remember this in the morning 'I love you too Shun-Kun'

'no seriously, I do, I love you' giving me a drunk hug, he smelt of the sake he had drank.

'Shun-Kun, you won't even remember this in the morning, tell me then ok' I said with a chuckle, hugging him back.

'alright, I will, you watch' he said it like he meant it.

'I believe you old friend' I smiled.

Eventually, I passed Shunsui on to the capable hands of Nanao, Nanao just looked at me apologetically and I just chuckled.

'its fine anao, it was a good night'

'I love you Juuuu, don't ever die on me' Shunsui gave me another drunk hug almost tripping us both over.

I hug him back 'I already promised I wouldn't, so I won't, you know I keep my promises'

Nanao just shook her head, dragging her captain off me 'sorry captain'

'hey, Nanao-Chaaaan' he whines.

I smile, if I ever did go, I would miss this 'its fine, look after him for me would you'

'of course sir' she answered with a smile.

I yawn, I'd been fighting sleep for a while now, but I didn't mind, I never did if I was with Shunsui 'thanks' I pat Shunsui's back 'sleep well my friend' and with a smile, I bowed my head and walked home at midnight, not realising now, but I would never return.


	4. Chapter 4

Shunsui:

The next morning, I woke up with the same dread in my heart, I had thought getting drunk would make it go away, but I think it only made it worse, it seemed to be better around Jushiro though, I had a major hangover and only now did I realise I was in my quarters.

Then Nanao knocked and came in 'GET YOUR LAZY... Captain?...' this was the second time I had woken on time and quite frankly she was shocked.

'please don't shout' I begged 'it hurts my head'

She scowled 'well it should, Captain Ukitake had to escort you back home last night, you kept him up till midnight'

That explains so much he thought.

'you might want to go apologise' she said.

'it would be my pleasure... But do I have to go now' he whined, holding his head.

Then then silence comes over the room, a hell butterfly landed gracefully on Nanao's shoulder, flapping it's delicate wings reading a MSG that would turn their hearts to ice.

'Captain Ukitake is unwell... And he won't recover' Nanao whispered the MSG, but I heard it.

My eyes opened wide and I sat up in disbelief 'no, he promised, he promised'

A tear fell from Nanao's eye 'the report is from Captain Unohana'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I stood causing myself a head spin but I got over it, I left the room in silence, fighting tears of my own 'I refuse to believe this'

Nanao followed me 'Captain!'

I left no time to waste, I flash stepped to the place I was just hours earlier with him, we were laughing, we were happy, or was that a dream, he wasn't sick, he told me he wasn't, he would never lie to me, maybe he didn't know, did he see this coming, all questions going through my head, I refused to cry until I knew the truth, Nanao following me every step.

Ukitake:

Like I thought, I had woken up sick, but I wasn't just sick this time, I felt it, like shackles dragging me too the deep, I knew this time was different, Captain Unohana confirmed my feelings.

I was coughing up so much blood, my bed was covered with it and my body was breaking down, i couldn't stop the shaking, the pain in my body flared at every move I'd make, the coughs wreaking havoc on my body, i guess I had been waiting for this day but I realised, I wasn't quite ready yet, I was scared, and so incredibly tired, this was how I was to die? I think a blade through the heart would have been kinder.

Captain Unohana never cried, but I could tell that she probably wasn't far from it, her eyes were tinged red and her mouth was a thin smile, she was being strong for me, I could tell, apparently I had hours maybe to go through this torture, I started to think maybe they should kill me, maybe I should fall to my own blade, or even Shunsui's, anything but this.

My third seats were watching in silence, eventually they had to leave, it was too much, apparently all the Captains and Lt's had been notified, they were not sure how to react, I knew Shunsui would be here within a matter of minutes, I was looking forward to it, maybe he could have a drink with me, like old times.

I looked at the blood on my hands, on me, everywhere, it's hard to believe it all came from me, I guess I was having trouble seeing, there was a darkness over everything, like mist had invaded my room, and I guess I was getting used to the pain slightly, it seemed to gradually get dimmer, I guess I was crying too, I felt it fall down my cheek.

That was when Shunsui barged into my room and froze upon the sight of me, I could tell he didn't believe it but now he might have, he fell to his knees at the side of my bed, in silence, the tears I could tell he was holding back fell, I smiled.

'just... In time' followed by a few more spluttered coughs, my breathing was not too good but I struggled on 'let's have... A drink' I weakly pointed to the place I kept my sake.

'no, you can't drink now, you won't get better like that' he struggled to remain even.

Nanao had followed Shunsui in and had started to cry, she couldn't hold it back, neither could Unohana because a tear left her eye.

'pl..ease' I managed not to cough.

He looked at me, crying silently, but then he did as he was told, pouring everyone in the room a cup of sake 'just this once, I mean it' he tried to make it a joke but it didn't sound like one.

I smiled, struggling the words out 'thank... You... Now can... Help me... Up off this... Damn bed' Shunsui did as he was told, sitting me up, I ended up leaning on him and I coughed up a storm but now I could drink, I smiled.

He put the cup in my hands, everyone else took theirs, Shunsui made sure I could hold it, holding my hand under his 'a toast to getting better soon' he struggled to keep his voice straight, I could feel his tears falling on me, we tapped glasses, and everyone took a drink, Shunsui helped me drink mine, I could only drink a little before coughing up more blood, but it felt good to have the taste for something other then blood in my mouth.

I smiled, I could go now, But first I would sleep, but before that I was determined to finish this cup 'you were... So funny last... Night Shun-Kun'

Nanao seemed to catch on 'thanks for bringing him home Captain, after you were gone he kept going on about how he loved you' she forced a smile, it didn't reach her eyes.

'no prob...lem, gotta look.. After my best... Friend' followed by more coughing, I swallowed more of my drink, it had blood in it now though.

'I really said that huh... Maybe it wasn't a dream' he put on a smile for me also.

'I would believe you saying something like that Shunsui' Unohana her smile was the most genuine.

I raise an eyebrow 'so you did remember... then, I thought... you might have... Forgot' I smiled, the pain was almost unbearable but I smiled like my life depended on it.

'Me... Forget... That's not like me at all' he jokes 'but I did kinda promise didn't I, to say I love you in the morning' his cheeks flush bright red through tears.

I chuckle, or let a strangled laugh out 'you did... And you... Pulled through'

Nanao can't help but give a slight giggle, neither can Unohana.

wanting to clear the air, blushing 'but you know it's like friendship right, I love our friendship, I mean, not you, ah crap, I mean of course' stumbling over his words in embarrassment.

I can't help but laugh, I cough again but continue laughing 'your so funny...' he helps me drink more of my sake.

'Juuuu-Chan, don't tease' he pouts playfully, his tears have stopped, so has everyone else's for now.

My face has lit up, whatever blood is on it doesn't matter, I'm happy, smiling I reply 'just so.. You know... I love our... Friendship too... Don't you ever forget... It or I'll... Hunt you down, but... Don't let it get.. To you hey...'

I knew everyone understood my words, they were final, Shunsui seemed stumped then he answered 'Alright, I mean, I wouldn't like you hunting me down, I mean that could hurt you know...' he helped me drink the last of my sake, I didn't know how I was still alive right now but I was, and my sight was growing dim, I couldn't focus on anything, I stubbornly kept coughing, more blood kept coming, it felt like if I shut my eyes I wouldn't open them again, it was probably true though.

I think everyone could tell, they just chose to keep smiling, like I wanted them to do, with a smile myself 'I think... It's high time... I get some sleep... If I expect to wake up... Any time soon' I swear Shunsui held me tighter but I couldn't be sure.

'hey, how about we go drinking say on Thursday, after our duties, sound good?' he was struggling now to say good bye.

I nod weakly 'sounds like a great idea, I'll see you then' I closed my eyes and fell into blackness, that stubborn smile still on my face.


	5. Chapter 5

Shunsui:

The silence was piercing, nobody spoke a word, it had been a few minutes since he had died, I couldn't take it any more, I held onto my best friends body, I cried into his bloodied shoulder not caring who thought what, he was dead, with that damn stubborn smile on his face, why did he smile, I didn't understand.

'why do you smile Juu' I knew why he did, I just couldn't process it, Nanao sat down, still holding her empty cup of sake that she had shared with Jushiro, she broke down, crying into her knees, never letting that cup go.

Unohana had also drank her sake, she stared at the cup in her hand, tears falling, anyone could tell she blamed herself for not being able to do anything.

I was lost to tears, he was still bleeding slightly, why didn't it stop, why did it never stop, he's dead for fuck sake, it already did its job, just stop, we don't know how long we all sat there for but no one bothered us, the third seats came back and cried with Nanao, eventually Unohana claimed the voice of sense.

'I'll get a squad here and clean up'

'NO, they can't touch him, they can't touch the smile, anything but don't touch his smile' losing it again to tears, if he had to steal Jushiro away he would, just to make sure he stayed happy, he had to be happy.

Everyone was surprised how I bit back, they had probably never seen me this determined 'granted' Unohana said, she stood 'I'll alert the other divisions'

Nanao and his 3rd seats just watched as I held him, they had long exhausted their tears, sitting in silence.

He looked so peaceful, like he was really sleeping, but I knew he was too cold to be sleeping, I made up my mind then, I stood carrying his tiny frame with me, I took him and cleaned him, I washed the blood away, always leaving that smile on his lips, I washed his hair, I did everything he liked even down to using that soap he always smelt of, then I dried and dressed him in his favourite clothes, his uniform, and sat outside with him, he liked that.

He stayed the way I cleaned him until he was buried, no one had dared touch him after that, they knew I would be in a murderous rage, he was buried in his favourite place to be, near the lake where he would sit and watch it for hours on end in silence, that smile on his face, always that smile.

Nanao had given her captain space and time, she knew he needed it, the 3rd seats couldn't run the division for days, but they came back eventually and picked up the slack, that last pile of paperwork he did before he died would remain in his house, not to be touched, eventually his house was cleaned and shut down, they'd found spilt tea where the Captain had dropped it before getting back to bed, it had blood in it, the place seem desolate.

The division couldn't work for a week, they knew this day would come, most of them believed that no matter what, he would pull through, he just wasn't so lucky this time, and even the one who would never fall, their mentor, Yama-Jii shed tears over his lost child.

Even those in the real world were told and invited to the funeral, at the end of the funeral, when it was just Shunsui and Jushiro, he planted a single flower which in time would grow to cover the grave, is if something magical was there, the flower represented the division he once stood for and will always stand for.

-the end-

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This is my first completed fan fiction so I would appreciate reviews if it would be such a bother, thank you for reading, I appreciate your time

If your interested, this story has a sequel "What's a second chance" feel free to read it, I hope you all liked my story ^_^

(note: this story has been updated many times, I'm going through and editing)


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